I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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