know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
