I bet he comes in French.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
