Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
