Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
