who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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