Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
