she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
