i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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