idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
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