if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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