He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
