Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
