If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
