The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
