Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
