I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she pinky promised me she was 18
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize