he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
