I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
