That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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