You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
