Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
