question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
