god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
