I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize