I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
