She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
