so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
