If that was your dad, he is hot
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
