The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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