I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
