i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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