so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
