i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
