But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
