She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
