I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
