We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
