I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm always down for nudity.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
