I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
