I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
