dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
