On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
