Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
