My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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