lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
