im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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