I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
