It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
