Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize