why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you traded sex for a burrito?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
