May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
