6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
