i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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