At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
