How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
