you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
