We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
