Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
