Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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