Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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