areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Nicole vs. Life
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
then he tried to convert me to islam
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
