the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
