dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
