hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
