She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Randomize
