a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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