I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
