no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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