Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize