what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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