Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
