God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize