His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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