If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
