I skipped work to stalk him.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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