He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
