i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
