am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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