You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
