john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
