Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
