i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
