i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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