Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize