So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
