O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
