and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
