ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
