I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
