I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
