Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
