remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
