The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
