My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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